Bobby's Conscience

I Write To You In My Sleep

I’m always connected to some type of wire
Runs down my back, acts as a spine
And I’m scared to pull too far away
So afraid it will unwind
I’ve got these bite marks on all my pencils
They look like old walking canes
They help me to stand up straight and I will
Use them until I die

Now my arms dangle loosely beside me
I keep clenching my fists,
Open and close, open and close
I’m wishing the air was a bit thicker
So I could hold tight to something
And keep it close 

I hate it when someone says “oh you got a haircut!” and then I say “yeah but like three weeks ago” like what the fuck bobby they were just trying to be fucking nice shutup

Oh John Green

So, yeah, I just finished “Will Grayson, Will Grayson“…

If anybody in the Brooklyn/Manhattan/other3boroughs/Jersey areas wants to start a John Green support group, please inquire and let’s make this bitch happen

The Greatest Wrong Ever Done

And the greatest wrong you ever done, rolls like marbles off your tongue
Biting her lip, she closes the door and yet you’re still a little unsure if she’s listening
Because she holds the bible behind her back, with her fingers crossed and eyes are glassed
And she makes you feel like you’re the one who’s different

She says:
But let me tell you, it’s not fair
No one should ever feel this unprepared
And I know because I’ve been where you are
And let me tell you, there’s no cure
Uncertainty has this cruel allure
And I know, but with some help you’ll get so far
You’re okay.
Yes, I think you’re okay.

I reply:
Let me ask you, what did I say,
To make you think I was okay?
I’m a tumbleweed brushing against the stars.
I was born with this soiled story to tell
With a heart fashioned in the thick of hell
I’m morally defaulted to be marred
I’m not okay.
No I don’t think I’m okay.

And the greatest wrong you ever done, rolls like marbles off your tongue
Biting her lip, she closes the door and yet you’re still a little unsure if she’s listening
Because she holds the bible behind her back, with her fingers crossed and eyes are glassed
Such a shame you traveled such a futile distance
Because she still makes you feel like you’re the one who’s different

For Scott

He took that big book of fairy tales and threw it out into the street
Poor thing flew from his hands with an incredible speed
To be run over by a school bus of little league athletes
But there was this pang in his gut
When he ran down to pick it up
There was one story left hanging by a few threads
The one his mother would read to him in bed
Until he fell fast asleep; she’d kissed the top of his head
Turn off his yellow racecar lamp
Close the door, while he dreamed of this land
Where demons vanished if you didn’t believe they exist
Where he’d walk the grass at day and all the shadows turned to mist
Sporting a cape sewn by his mother, with love in every stitch
Now he compresses the book to his chest
Trying to hold together whatever was left

Walked slowly to his room up the stairs
With a beautiful book of fairy tales
Every breath to flow from his lungs
Came out in such hard descending huffs
And although it was the middle of the day
He kneeled by his bedside and prayed
Closed and locked door to the hall
Curled up in his bed like a ball
Dug his head into the pillow and sobbed
Persistently whispering “Goodnight, Mom.”

John Green, you are an evil evil man.

It’s like there almost needs to be a John Green support group.
For victims of his abuse.

I just finished The Fault in Our Stars.
Goddammit that book is hurting me so.
Need to get my hands on the next book.
I’ve read Looking for Alaska too, and that chewed me up.
I’m thinking Will Grayson or Paper Towns next.
Tumblr?

Running Acres

With a ballpoint pen and a weary head you set out to change the world
And you trace the tears streaming down a glass of wine
And you know so well nothing good befell of the man who chased the girl
Didn’t hesitate and the rope around his waist, it almost took his life

In a tea-sampler behind the pu-erh you’ve got a couple fifties stashed
And the scent fills your lungs, but wasn’t that their goal?
So you slouch to the floor because it’s happened before; you just put the money back
And the tears start to sting as they’re dripping from your nose

You’re looking left and right
Tuck myself in bed tonight

These books in the vernacular are not as good as they said they were
And you begin to reassess this whole goddamn mess on the shelf
The clock moves faster and your mind is running acres
And your mother’s calling, concerned about your health

You find yourself in the bathroom standing before the mirror
All your clothes are off but you look straight into your eyes
And you’re asking: What happened? God, nothing’s as it had been.
You’re shaking so you pull the window blinds

You’re looking left and right
Tuck myself in bed tonight

You’re looking left and right
But no one’s going to come
And tuck you into bed tonight
Don’t you miss that kind of love,
When everything was fine
And if push came to shove
You’d just turn off your little light
And fall fast asleep to the city buzz

But now you’re looking left and right
Tuck myself in bed tonight